Porn for Everyone!: Bail-out Edition

January 7, 2009 by Keyser Söze | Filed under Economic Crisis, President Barry.

These are truly dire economic times, pharm when even Larry Flynt can’t make ends meet (so to speak) in providing America with the pornography so vital to its national security and needs to go begging putz-in-hand in Washington:

With the financial industry, auto makers and more getting assistance from the federal government to stay afloat during the recession, the adult industry decided it would try to get something as well.

Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis and “Hustler” magazine publisher Larry Flynt have said they will petition Congress for financial aid along the lines of what the Big Three auto makers are getting.

Francis said that he and Flynt are asking for $5 billion, and that they have sent letters to Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, Congress and their local Congressman, Henry Waxman (D-Calif.) with the proposal.

With the $5 billion, they would “invest in building new means of distribution, and shoring up our distribution right now to prevent further erosion from factors like Youporn and other Internet content that has seriously affected our business over the past few years,” Francis said in an interview with FOX Business. “We will use the money wisely, and we will create more jobs.”

Kind of brings a new meaning to the phrase “stimulus package,” no? Anyway, it’s a good thing that Soon-to-be-Pres. Barry is ready to be borrowing trillions of dollars a year for the foreseeable future in order to rescue America from its own excesses. At least we can be sure that the money will be well spent. After all, he said so.

And you thought Keyser was kidding when he said that everyone would be standing in line for a bit of Barney “Fat Toad” Frank’s largesse.


2 Responses to “Porn for Everyone!: Bail-out Edition”

  1. The Mayor says:

    I just posted this on Mitchieville—about four hours after you posted it–I should have checked with Keyser first.

    Not only that, I managed to take most of the jokes you used.

    Ahhhh, thanks?

  2. Keyser Söze says:

    Hey, there’s room on the Interwebz for more than one comment on the same topic. And the “stimulus package” joke sort of springs automatically to the mind, no?

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