Sometimes, reading the Mew York Times or the Glob and Mail (the Canadian version) feels like reading some sort of H.P. Lovecraft story. The words are all in English, but the world described seems to bear little resemblance to the one that you actually see around you. It claims to be a reflection of the normal scheme of things but seems in fact to be some window into a primal world of horror and madness, where the phenomena you glimpse with paralyzing fascination are merely uncanny simulacra of reality.

Case in point. Here’s what passes for a child’s lunch in the wacky world of Canadian leftardery. Let us start with the headline:

Crafty parents are taking cues from the Japanese and going bento to create cute, nutritious meals that no kid can refuse.

“No kid can refuse,” huh? Okay, let’s see the deal being made to kids that none can refuse.

Now with three children of her own, the Burlington, Ont., mother has found a way to make sure her kids actually eat the lunches she packs for them: She’s bowed to the ways of the Japanese and become a bento mom.

Two years ago, Ellis purchased a set of bento boxes – food containers that open up to house several smaller containers – for each of her kids. In these Japanese-style lunch boxes she now packs creative, nutritious and environmentally-friendly meals every morning. Some days it’s a veggie and meat wrap, applesauce, carrot sticks and cookies; other mornings it’s a sandwich, yogurt, strawberries and mini-muffins.

Apart from winning over her kids, bento boxes have other benefits, too. “My impetus was to give my kids less packaged food. I wanted to create litter-less lunches,” she said.

Aw, isn’t that irresistible? Carrot sticks and strawberries. What kid could refuse that? And it’s enviro-friendly and has the wisdom of the Orient to boot! (Those people are so much more in tune with themselves that we are, you know.) Guaranteed crowd pleasers among the seven-year-old set!

Let’s investigate a little closer what another eco-warrior’s spawn can expect:

For [Mrs. Kia Park], bentos are an opportunity to create culinary art. On seven-year-old Bryce and nine-year-old Devin’s first day of school last week, they were treated to hard-boiled quail eggs dyed and decorated to look like chicks and rice balls formed and garnished to look like smiling cows on a bed of veggies and salmon – all packed neatly in their boxes.

Yes, yes, Keyser knows you’re all think to yourselves, “Sweet mother of God, was I gypped as a kid! All I had was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich after that ten-mile walk (uphill in both directions!) to school in a howling blizzard (fall, winter and spring!), and this kid gets hard-boiled quail eggs on a bed of veggies and salmon!” It is sad to compare the savagery of less enlightened times to the enlightened,eco-friendly, cooperative, spiritual times we live in today. Too bad you weren’t named “Bryce” or “Devin”!

Speaking of which, what do the little tykes have to say about this culinary feast they’re treated to every day?

“I thought they’d get teased, but my daughter feels like it makes her the cool kid at school,” said Ms. Park. In fact, she had to endure Devin’s wrath after she shared some bento secrets with inquisitive mothers on the playground last year.

“She’d get so mad if I’d give out information. She’d be like, ‘I won’t feel special any more,’” said Ms. Park.

Yeah, absolutely. What other reaction could any child have to such delights?

Funny thing, though. How come we have to hear little Devin’s reaction through the mouth of Mommy Dearest?

If Keyser had to guess on the basis of the reaction of his own Keyserling’s, it’s probably because the writer of this story didn’t know how to spell “blech.”

But no doubt that’s not the reason. Would it not instead be that with the usual leftard refusal to judge their preconceptions according to the reality they could see if they were willing to, there’s no point in asking?

h/t to Mrs. S. for pointing out this bit of SWPL humor.