Archive for What in the Fuck is the Matter with People?
What the Fuck is the Matter with People, Anyway?
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For years now, the local paper is bought only on Friday in order to get the TV guide, and the rest of it is just s really big and unnecessary wrapper, which can also be used to light the barbecue. This afternoon, Keyser and Mrs. S. were in the supermarket, when Mrs. S. wandered off to pick something up, leaving Keyser stranded by the soft drink section with nothing much to do. So he looked at the paper that was sitting in the cart. And when you do that, you have no idea what exactly you might come across.
Armed with knives and what appeared to be a club, the attackers beat Shane Tebby to the ground.
They bashed his head and torso, and the arms he put up to protect his face.
The group, perhaps as many as nine, had followed Tebby in the dark as he walked home from a night spent playing video games with friends. Police say it was a random attack, the beating so severe that Tebby’s trachea dislodged, making it difficult for trauma doctors to insert a breathing tube.
…
He was discovered nearly two hours later by a couple walking from the 7-Eleven up the street.
“They came across Shane lying face down in a pool of blood gasping for air,” Const. Mike Zacharuk said.
A year after the attack, the police and Tebby’s family are appealing to the public for any information that may lead to arrests.
…
“We were just hoping and praying that he would come out of the coma,” his sister Jessica Tebby says. “But what we were being told by the doctors was that he wasn’t likely to survive.”
But after several months in a coma, he slowly came back to life. He started to move. He opened his eyes. Soon he began to recognize the doctors, nurses and family at his bedside.
“His first communication was a thumbs up,” says his mother Valerie Teahan-Tebby.
An avid World of Warcraft fan, the 28-year-old now uses a keyboard one finger at a time. He used to work at a fibreglass manufacturing company and once enjoyed reading science fiction.
The brain injury and atrophy makes standing difficult, but he is able to get around Ponoka’s Centennial Centre for Mental Health and Brain Injury in a wheelchair by using his heels to move himself forward.
The hole in his throat from a tracheotomy makes it difficult to eat, and he has limited control of his tongue. If he opens his jaw too wide it pops out. His sister says his sense of smell will likely never return and that has dulled his ability to taste.
He often asks her to bring garlic butter and soy sauce, anything with a strong taste, when she visits.
Communication has been one of his biggest hurdles. He has a limited ability to speak, but tries to mouth words and make sounds.
“It comes out all mashed together, especially if he’s trying to say a sentence. It can end up sounding more like a grunt,” Jessica Tebby says.
It’s hard to say if Tebby will ever be able to live without the 24-hour care he now requires.
Tebby’s mother says he once asked her: “Why did this happen to me? Why didn’t I just die?”
Seriously, what in the fuck is wrong with people to make them do something like that? You’re walking along minding your own business, and some scum smash your brain in so you’re life is more or less ruined and you wish you were dead. Keyser was about to call the attackers “animals,” but what animal would do that? Except for the one at the top of the food chain.
Shit like this really makes you despair for humanity. Or at least for the low lifes.
So if you’re bored in the supermarket, take Keyser’s advice and don’t flip through the paper. You have no idea what sort of awful news you might come across.
Heart of Darkness: High School Chums Edition
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So last year, Keyser found on Facebook somebody that he he’d been friendly with back in high school. (It seems that one of FB’s main purposes is to find people from grade school and high school and see if you look better at this age than they do.) This friend was on vacation at the time and posted fairly frequently. Then at the end of last August he got back home and stopped posting. If you do much FB, you find that some people are on all the time, some have accounts but never post, and the last category are on rather sporadically.
Keyser didn’t think much about this disappearance and let it slide. Then the other day, an entirely unrelated matter about another school acquaintance put Keyser in mind of the person from last year, so he decided to check out the friend’s account. Hmm, that’s odd, he doesn’t seem to be in Keyser’s list of “friends” any more. Somewhat retardedly, FB alphabetizes by first name, so Keyser tried by “real” first name and nickname, but to no avail.
Well, okay, let’s try out Google. Keyser knew the name, obviously, and remembered the home state, so type type type, and let’s see what we get. The first few “hits” were doctors, but clearly not him. Then… “Oh, Keyser’s fucking God!” A notice that someone with this name was arrested on felony child molestation charges last August! Later searching reveals that the person is now about to go on trial, being accused of having molested a 12-year-old. Now, being accused and being guilty aren’t necessarily the same thing, so we’ll have to see how things turn out, but… not only is the age of the accused appropriate for Keyser’s high school buddy, but the arrest photo they stuck at the top of the article seemed pretty clearly to be the same person, with the wear and tear of three decades added on to Keyser’s memory. (And, boy, you should see the reactions in the comment section of the article. No doubt people are influenced by the circumstances, but do they ever take a dislike to that image!)
Jesus Christ. A 12-year-old? What in the fuck is the matter with people? Perhaps more importantly, how do you look at people and hang out with them, not knowing that in three decades they’d do something so appalling? Not sure why Keyser finds this news so disturbing… Perhaps the idea that you really can’t know what goes on in other people’s heads? Or that people you interacted with so non-chalantly turn out to have some sort of awful black pit in their heart?
Anyway, whatever the legal outcome, let’s hope the accusation isn’t true. For everybody’s sake…
[Post scriptum. Good God, it's worse than Keyser thought. Not wanting to know too much about this, he sort of skipped over the details. The inestimable Dr. Phibes, however, is a veritable student of human depravity, so he carefully perused the fine print and has brought it to Keyser's attention that he was being a bit lenient with the perp. Turns out the charge was sex with a minor under the age of 12, and that this person was also charged with coercing the minor into having sex and then filming and shipping the footage. So Keyser's old chum is not just a pedophile but a filmer and distributor of kiddie porn. While Keyser is, as always, grateful for corrections, in this instance he can't say that he feels better for being better informed. Perhaps Phibes' darker understanding of the human psyche is more accurate than Keyser's somewhat rosier view. In any event, you'll have to excuse Keyser while he goes to pour a bit of lye into his memory's eye...
Post post scriptum. You'd think it couldn't get worse, but oddly enough, it did. Keyser just checked the latest news story, and the victim was age four at the time of the crime, and it's said to be unclear whether the victim will be called to testify in the upcoming trial. Four? Keyser can't take much more of this.
Post post post scriptum. Among his many skills medical and otherwise, Dr. Phibes is an expert at forensic medicine and he created the following imagine of what the accused would have looked three decades ago.
Good God, that's him! Modern scientific procedures are truly astounding. Who would think that you could take a picture of a 48-year-old pervert and recreate the spitting image of a 17-year-old would-be pervert?
And for those who think that joke is in bad taste, that's probably true. But some things are so awful that all you can do is laugh (or at any rate, the alternative isn't very appealing). And it really does look like him now. The whole thing is just too much to think about.]
Say, How Much Does it Cost to Say, “Raise Every Tax You Can Find!”?
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Remember how Prez. Barry set up some high-profile commission on coming up with suggestions for dealing with the $1 trillion + deficit they’re running in DC? The cynical harbored the suspicion that they were just cover for a proposal to jack of taxes big time (“Hey, the poor and disadvantaged depend on the Federal government for their basic necessities. Can you imagine a world without the Architectural and Transportation Barriers Compliance Board?”).
Seems that Prez. Barry didn’t think they needed a lot of money for this, and in an act of preternatural stinginess, pretty much told them to make it up for themselves on their own Dells. Seems they’re running out of money!
President Obama’s bipartisan fiscal commission is operating on a shoestring budget and some panel members and lawmakers worry that it may run short of money.
The 18-member commission faces the daunting challenge of coming up with proposals by Dec. 1 to tame the federal government’s trillion-dollar budget deficit. But the panel’s own budget is only $500,000, barely enough to cover office rent and the salaries of four staff members.
And though the White House and Treasury have loaned the panel experts from their own payrolls, and several think tanks are helping as well, the total full-time staff currently is only about 15 people and not expected to exceed 20. Money is so tight that the commission recently abandoned hopes of holding field hearings around the country to gather views from outside of Washington.
Holy Shit! They’ve only got a staff of fifteen, and it’s not expected to exceed twenty? What’s the world coming to? How are important commissioners supposed to do anything worthwhile on chump change like that?
So let’s get this straight. The commission to study what to do about the government running out of money is running out of money. Does this get filed under “Somebody in Washington’s got a really ironic sense of humor, or they’re a complete fucking idiot. No, wait. I already know the answer to that one” or “Karma’s a Bitch, Baby”?
Heart of Darkness: UK Edition
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You know, sometimes you read things and you think, No, that can’t be true. But unless the (Daily) MailOnline has been bought by The Onion (and developed a very ugly sense of humor), something’s seriously wrong in the modern UK.
A gang of sadists who tortured a ‘naive and vulnerable’ man for ten years before dumping his decapitated body into a lake were convicted of his murder yesterday.
Michael Gilbert, 26, was used as a ‘dogsbody and slave’, shackled to a bed and attacked by the group’s pet pit bulls.
In one bizarre incident, he was even made to goad a large exotic lizard until it attacked him.
The appalling beatings – often recorded on mobile phones – included being stabbed, hit with a baseball bat, forced to stand in boiling water and shot at with an air pistol.
His main tormentor’s girlfriend even invented a ‘game show’ where individuals were paid to assault him.
Although Mr Gilbert did escape occasionally, the gang would contact the Department for Work and Pensions and quote his national insurance number to discover where he was signing on before snatching him back.
Astonishingly, police were aware he was in trouble but he didn’t want to pursue a complaint because the victim had said ‘it would make it worse for me in the long run’.
Well, it’s good to know the cops were on to this. Oh, wait a minute…
Mr Gilbert finally died after a new form of torture was devised, involving members of the family jumping on his stomach.
They then hacked his corpse into pieces at their home in Luton, Bedfordshire, before throwing it into a lake known as the Blue Lagoon in nearby Arlesey.
…
The court heard evidence from witnesses including Philip Budd, a regular visitor to the Watts’ home, who said Mr Gilbert had locking pliers attached to his genitals which were used to lead him around ‘like a dog on a lead’.
Zoe Smith, 23, described how Mr Gilbert was shackled with silver handcuffs to the bottom of a bunk bed she slept in with her boyfriend Colin Watt, who was not charged with any offence.
During the three-year relationship, she admitted to visiting the home on around 150 occasions and seeing Mr Gilbert assaulted ‘nearly every time’.
The abuse continued as the Watts moved into a succession of different houses in the town.
Mr Budd said that by 2008 Mr Gilbert was only allowed to wear boxer shorts to prevent him escaping.
Another visitor described watching him being shot in the lower back with an air rifle. A postmortem examination would later reveal pellets still embedded in his body.
Oldfield was found to have written an entry in her diary entitled ‘Game Show Ideas’. Underneath, she suggested ‘various sums of money linked to different assaults on Michael’.
One line said: ‘£5 slap, £10 punch, £15 kick, £25 head butt.’ Another read: ‘Gilbert ends up dead.’
As well as ‘entertainment’, the family also saw Mr Gilbert as a ‘cash cow’ and would often take his benefits.
By the end of 2008, they were doing sit ups while leaning on a piece of wood across his mouth and jumping on his stomach. One of those was Robert Watt, who weighed 21st at the time.
Mr Gilbert is believed to have died from his injuries on January 21 last year.
Detective Chief Inspector Jon Humphries yesterday insisted nothing more could have been done to save Mr Gilbert. ‘Hindsight is a wonderful thing,’ he added.
Yeah, no doubt. And actually knowing what the fuck you’re doing before it’s too late is even better, asshole.
Anyway, the rest of the article goes on to say that this family didn’t make for the best of neighbors. Gee, who’d a thunk?
They get sentenced on Monday. We’ll see what happens.
Oh, and in the “no cloud is without a silver lining” file, comes this: “Judge John Bevan told the jurors that they had sat through ‘ghastly’ evidence and excused any from being called for jury service again.” Said one juror: “Thanks a lot, muhlud. I’ll bear that in mind every time I wake up screaming from my nightmares.”
What in the fuck is the matter with people?
Having a Bad Day?: Vaggazling Edition
Posted by: | CommentsNo, really. (Stick with it. It starts with vapid – this guy must be the worst interviewer – but degenerates horribly towards the end.)
“It looks like a little disco ball down there.” Good to know, Jen. Good to know.
The Dangers of Being Overweight: Peru Edition
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Loyal readers of the Lair are no doubt aware that Keyser has been on a major weight-loss kick since the end of July, having lost well over 30 lbs. since then. Now, some people (both commenters here and some associated with Keyser’s “real” life) are of the opinion that he has taken this too far, being obsessed with the seemingly never-ending cycle of weight reduction. To tell you the truth, Keyser’s original goal was to get down to 195, then 185 seemed possible, then after he hit 180, well, 175 was doable, and despite his protestations that he wouldn’t go any lower, turns out that 170 was manageable. Keyser hasn’t weighed that little in something like 30 years!
So, for all those who claim that it is in fact possible to be too thin (if not too rich), check out the following warning on the dangers of fat:
Four people have been arrested in Peru on suspicion of killing dozens of people in order to sell their fat and tissue for cosmetic uses in Europe.
The gang allegedly targeted people on remote roads, luring them with fake job offers before killing them and extracting their fat.
The liquidised product fetched $15,000 (£9,000) a litre and police suspect it was sold on to companies in Europe.At least five other suspects, including two Italian nationals, remain at large.
Police said the gang could be behind the disappearances of up to 60 people in Peru’s Huanuco and Pasco regions.
One of those arrested told police the ringleader had been killing people for their fat for more than three decades.
The gang has been referred to as the Pishtacos, after an ancient Peruvian legend of killers who attack people on lonely roads and murder them for their fat.
At a news conference in the capital, police showed reporters two bottles containing human body fat and images of one of the alleged victims.
One of the alleged killings is reported to have taken place in mid-September, with the person’s body tissue removed for sale.
Cmdr Angel Toledo told Reuters news agency some of the suspects had “declared and stated how they murdered people with the aim being to extract their fat in rudimentary labs and sell it”.
Police said they suspect the fat was sold to cosmetics and pharmaceutical companies in Europe, but have not confirmed any such connection.
Maybe Keyser will be thin enough to fit in a lip stick case, but at least he won’t be turned into lip stick!
Heart of Darkness: Knoxville Edition
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Whoa. Somethings really have to make you doubt how human humanity really is. Here’s the background (or at least Wikipedia’s run-down, which is close enough):
According to news reports, Christian and Newsom had gone on a date at a local restaurant on Saturday, January 6, 2007, but did not return home. During their night out, the couple was “hijacked, bound and blindfolded and taken back to Lemaricus Devall ‘Slim’ Davidson’s rented house on Chipman Street.”
Christian’s parents found her abandoned Toyota 4-Runner two blocks away from the Chipman Street house the following Monday with the help of her mobile phone provider. An envelope recovered from the vehicle yielded fingerprint evidence that led police to Lemaricus Davidson and 2316 Chipman Street. When police went to the address on Tuesday, January 9, they found the home unoccupied and Christian’s body in a trash can in the kitchen.
According to the testimony of the Knox County Acting Medical Examiner Dr. Darinka Mileusnic-Polchan at the subsequent trial of Eric Boyd, Newsom was repeatedly raped and then blindfolded, gagged, arms and feet bound and his head covered. Barefoot, he was either led or dragged outside the house to a set of nearby railroad tracks. He was shot in the back of the head, the neck, and the back, and his body then set on fire.
Christian’s death came only after hours of sexual torture, medical examiner Mileusnic-Polchan testified. Christian suffered horrific injuries to her vagina, anus and mouth. She was not only raped but savaged with “an object,” possibly a broken chair leg, the doctor testified. She was beaten in the head. Some type of chemical was poured down her throat, and her body, including her bleeding and battered genital area, likely scrubbed with the same solution – all while Christian was alive, the forensic expert said. She was then “hog-tied,” with curtains and strips of bedding, her face covered tightly with a small trash bag and her body stashed inside five large trash bags before being placed inside a large trash can and covered with sheets. Christian died slowly, suffocating, the medical examiner said.
Keyser read something about this when the crime first happened, and today it would seem that the alleged ringleader, the charmingly named Lemaricus Devall ‘Slim’ Davidson (that’s him up there), was convicted, which is what brought it again to Keyser’s mind. Here’s what Keyser came cross, namely the legal findings by the jury (not sure what the “A” and “B” stuff means):
How the jury voted in each of the charges in the torture-slaying trial of Lemaricus Davidson.
Count one: First degree felony murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom during the perpetration of robbery of Hugh Christopher Newsom
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom, during the perpetration of Robbery of Hugh Christopher Newsom.
Count two: Murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom during the perpetration of robbery of Channon Christian
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom, during the perpetration of Robbery of Channon Christian.
Count Three: First degree felony murder of Channon Christian during the perpetration of robbery of Hugh Christopher Newsom
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Channon Christian, during the perpetration of Robbery of Hugh Christopher Newsom.
Count four: First degree felony murder of Channon Christian during the perpetration of robbery of Channon Christian
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Channon Christian, during the perpetration of Robbery of Channon Christian.
Count five: First degree felony murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom during the perpetration of kidnapping of Hugh Christopher Newsom
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom, during the perpetration of Kidnapping of Hugh Christopher Newsom.
Count six: First degree felony murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom during the perpetration of kidnapping of Channon Christian
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom, during the perpetration of Kidnapping of Channon Christian.
Count seven: First degree felony murder of Channon Christian during the perpetration of kidnapping of Hugh Christopher Newsom
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Channon Christian, during the perpetration of Kidnapping of Hugh Christopher Newsom.
Count eight: First degree felony murder of Channon Christian during the perpetration of kidnapping of Channon Christian
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Channon Christian, during the perpetration of Kidnapping of Channon Christian.
Count nine: First degree felony murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom during the perpetration of rape of Hugh Christopher Newsom
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom, during the perpetration of Rape of Hugh Christopher Newsom.
Count ten: First degree felony murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom during the perpetration of rape by oral penetration of Channon Christian
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom, during the perpetration of Rape by Oral Penetration of Channon Christian.
Count 11: First degree felony murder of Channon Christian during the perpetration of rape of Hugh Christopher Newsom
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Channon Christian, during the perpetration of Rape of Hugh Christopher Newsom.
Count 12: First degree felony murder of Channon Christian during the perpetration of rape by oral penetration of Channon Christian
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Channon Christian, during the perpetration of Rape by Oral Penetrtion of Channon Christian.
Count 13: First degree felony murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom during the perpetration of theft of Hugh Christopher Newsom
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom, during the perpetration of Theft of Hugh Christopher Newsom.
Count 14: First degree felony murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom during the perpetration of theft of Channon Christian
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom, during the perpetration of Theft of Channon Christian.
Count 15: Felony murder of Channon Christian during the perpetration of theft of Hugh Christopher Newsom
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Channon Christian, during the perpetration of Theft of Hugh Christopher Newsom.
Count 16: First degree felony murder of Channon Christian during the perpetration of theft of Channon Christian
A. Guilty of First Degree Felony Murder of Channon Christian, during the perpetration of Theft of Channon Christian.
Count 17: First degree premeditated murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom
A. Guilty of Premeditated First Degree Murder of Hugh Christopher Newsom.
Count 18: First degree premeditated murder of Channon Christian
A. Guilty of Premeditated First Degree Murder of Channon Christian.
Count 19: Especially aggravated robbery of Hugh Christopher Newsom
A. Guilty of Especially Aggravated Robbery of Hugh Christopher Newsom.
Count 20: Especially aggravated robbery of Channon Christian
A. Guilty of Especially Aggravated Robbery of Channon Christian.
Count 21: Especially aggravated kidnapping of Hugh Christopher Newsom accomplished with a deadly weapon
A. Guilty of Especially Aggravated Kidnapping of Hugh Christopher Newsom, accomplished with a deadly weapon.
Count 22: Especially aggravated kidnapping of Hugh Christopher Newsom with serious bodily injury
A. Guilty of Especially Aggravated Kidnapping of Hugh Christopher Newsom, with serious bodily injury.
Count 23: Especially aggravated kidnapping of Channon Christian accomplished with a deadly weapon
A. Guilty of Especially Aggravated Kidnapping of Channon Christian, accomplished with a deadly weapon.
Count 24: Especially aggravated kidnapping of Channon Christian with serious bodily injury
A. Guilty of Especially Aggravated Kidnapping of Channon Christian, with serious bodily injury.
Count 26: Aggravated rape of Hugh Christopher Newsom by coercive anal penetration, while armed with a weapon
B. Guilty of Facilitation of Aggravated Rape of Hugh Christopher Newsom, by coercive anal penetration while armed with a weapon.
Count 27: Aggravated rape of Hugh Christopher Newsom by anal penetration, with bodily injury
B. Guilty of Facilitation of Aggravated Rape of Hugh Christopher Newsom, by anal penetration with bodily injury.
Count 29: Aggravated rape of Hugh Christopher Newsom by coercive anal penetration, while aided and abetted by one or more persons
B. Guilty of Facilitation of Aggravated Rape of Hugh Christopher Newsom, by coercive anal penetration while aided and abetted by one or more persons.
Count 33: Aggravated rape of Channon Christian by coercive anal penetration, while armed with a weapon
A. Guilty of Aggravated Rape of Channon Christian, by coercive anal penetration while armed with a weapon.
Count 34: Aggravated rape of Channon Christian by coercive oral penetration, while armed with a weapon
A. Guilty of Aggravated Rape of Channon Christian, by coercive oral penetration while armed with a weapon.
Count 35: Aggravated rape of Channon Christian by coercive vaginal penetration, while armed with a weapon
A. Guilty of Aggravated Rape of Channon Christian, by coercive vaginal penetration while armed with a weapon.
Count 36: Aggravated rape of Channon Christian by anal penetration, with bodily injury
A. Guilty of Aggravated Rape of Channon Christian, by anal penetration with bodily injury.
Count 37: Aggravated rape of Channon Christian by oral penetration, with bodily injury
A. Guilty of Aggravated Rape of Channon Christian, by oral penetration with bodily injury.
Count 38: Aggravated rape of Channon Christian by vaginal penetration, with bodily injury
A. Guilty of Aggravated Rape of Channon Christian, by vaginal penetration with bodily injury.
Count 42: Aggravated rape of Channon Christian by coercive anal penetration, while aided and abetted by one or more persons
A. Guilty of Aggravated Rape of Channon Christian, by coercive anal penetration while aided and abetted by one or more persons.
Count 43: Aggravated rape of Channon Christian by coercive oral penetration, while aided and abetted by one or more persons
A. Guilty of Aggravated Rape of Channon Christian, by coercive oral penetration while aided and abetted by one or more persons.
Count 44: Aggravated rape of Channon Christian by coercive vaginal penetration, while aided and abetted by one or more persons
A. Guilty of Aggravated Rape of Channon Christian, by coercive vaginal penetration while aided and abetted by one or more persons.
Count 45: Theft of property of Hugh Christopher Newsom
A. Guilty of Theft of Property of Hugh Christopher Newsom, valued at $500.00 or less.
Count 46: Theft of property of Channon Christian
A. Guilty of Theft of Property of Channon Christian, valued at $10,000.00 or more but less than $60,000.00.
Somehow the clinical legal language makes it all sound worse (“coercive anal penetration,” good God). What in the fuck is the matter with people? Keyser’s got to stop reading this shit. It really is not good for one’s mental repose.
