At the time, Keyser paid little attention to the scandal involving ambulance chaser, bon vivant and erstwhile Democrat presidential candidate John “Two Americas” Edwards, but Keyser just came across something that’s just too funny for words. To fill in the details, Sen. Edwards was banging Ms. Rielle Hunter, who was supposedly filming a “documentary” about him (remember to be careful about who you let film “documentaries” about you, kids – think of what happened to poor old Kim Kardashian when hers was leaked! And not to worry, the link’s to a YouTube teaser, how bad can it be?), and this while he was milking his wife Elizabeth’s cancer for all the sympathy votes it was worth. Well, Edwards got found out by, of all things, that hallowed journalistic dame The National Enquirer, and all the “real” media outlets refused to cover the scandal on the grounds that, well, if it’s in the NE, who could believe it was true? Well, turns out that it isn’t only the Men in Black who should read the tabloids for the truth, because, well, it was true! The good senator and would-be president for a while got some aid to say that the brat was his, but, well, it wasn’t.

So, here’s the latest from the Enquirer (apparently, you have to buy the paper version to get the full text, but here’s the link to the teaser):

“When Elizabeth found out Rielle had shown up in North Carolina to look at houses, she went ballistic!” a close source told THE ENQUIRER. “She demanded that John give her Rielle’s cell phone number. John was in the room when Elizabeth called Rielle and screamed into the phone, “How dare you move here?”

Without giving Rielle a chance to respond, Elizabeth continued her tirade, shouting, ‘Leave my family alone!’ Then, clearly beside herself with rage, she blurted out, ‘I hope you die!’ and slammed down the phone.’”

On the other end of the line, Rielle — who’s been living with a friend in New Jersey – recoiled in horror, said the source. “Elizabeth didn’t have to identify herself for Rielle to know who it was. It was a confrontation that Rielle expected would eventually take place, but it still caught her off guard,” the source said.

And Elizabeth’s hostility made Rielle only more determined to raise her 20-month-old daughter Frances near John, said the source.

“Rielle said, ‘She better come to grips with the fact that John is going to be in our daughter’s life whether she likes it or not!’” said the source.

“She also said, ‘Elizabeth can yell and scream at me all she wants, but her anger is clear misdirected. John knew what he was doing when we got pregnant. Elizabeth needs to face facts.’”

Boy, for a guy who used $6 million of his lucre “earned” as a malpractice lawyer shyster to acquire in a 10,400 sq. ft. house with 17,800 sq. ft. of “connected” additional space (garages, rec buildings, that kind of thing), he sure leads something of a trailer park life. (And to be fair, it has to be admitted that the house is all on one level apart from a 600 sq. ft. master bedroom and bath suite, so on “one level” at least, he is slumming it with the “common folk.”)

Keyser had to burst out laughing at the “Elizabeth didn’t have to identify herself for Rielle to know who it was” bit. Yeah, no doubt. It’s not like most people get random calls from harlots screaming at them to leave their family alone and wishing death on them. Kind of goes with the “house wrecking hussy” territory, so presumably Rielle could put two and one together and get “Bitch!”

Say, maybe the good senator was right about that whole “two Americas” deal after. There’s decent folk. And there are people like him. And Rielle. And the saintly Elizabeth.

Truth really is weird than fiction. Even if it’s told by the National Enquirer!