Archive for God Lives
Are There Gods In Hitchens’ Foxhole?
Posted by: | CommentsHere’s an interview in which Christopher Hitchens talks, inter alia, about his impeding death. As you may know, the inveterate spokesman for non-God has got esophagal cancer, so his prognosis basically is, “How soon do I die?” He’s asked if he prays, and the answer is no. Towards the end, he admits to the possibility that in the physical wreck that he may well wind up being at the end of the disease’s ravages, he might do the “pathetic thing” as he characterizes the death bed conversion of a previously committed atheist. He denies that he would ever do this in his lucid state, and tells people to discount any rumors they might here to this effect.
This comment raised memories of Keyser Sr. He had been sort of raised a Catholic, but he too was an off-hand atheist, generally referring to anything connected with religion as horseshit. Keyser Sr. died two thousand miles away from your humble Pannonian, who can’t exactly say that he has no knowledge of the old man’s demise. For some appalling reason, the nurse at his death bed insisted on calling Keyser and making him talk to the comatose and dying man. Supposedly, people can hear you even if they give no acknowledgement of it. In the first place, how the fuck does anybody know that, since ex hypothesi the person supposedly hearing the words will never be in a position to say so (and Keyser entirely disbelieves the testimony of people who supposedly “come back” from death experiences). Take Keyser’s word for it, that the absolute last thing you want to do is talk for five minutes saying things you don’t really believe to someone who’s dying, while somebody you don’t know from Adam is listening. Truth be told, Keyser doesn’t recall at all what he said, but under the circumstances, it seemed inadvisable (and pointless) to say the truth.
Anyway, the reason Keyser mentions this is that when he attended the memorial service a little while later, both the local priest (a homosexual episcopalian) and Keyser Sr.’s second wife both swore up and down that in his final days, the old man sought “religious comfort.” Well, on the surface of it, Keyser flat out doesn’t believe it. He knew that man for something like forty-two years, and if there was anybody who had no religious feeling at all it was Keyser Sr. (Keyser generally finds that there’s no such thing as an ex-Catholic – they always retain some Catholic sensibilities, whether they like it or not – but Keyser Sr. never exhibited the least sense of loyalty or anything to the One,Holy, Roman, Catholic and Apostolic Church.) Now, since Keyser wasn’t there, and it’s possible that the two were telling the truth, then the old man was the world’s biggest hypocrite or coward. Perhaps the two versions are not entirely incompatible, in that the wife might have badgered him and he then went along just to get her shut up (a form of cynicism that sounds a lot more like the Keyser Sr. that Keyser knew).
So it goes back to the old canard about there being no atheists in a foxhole. If so, that just means that there’s no Keyser in the foxhole, because you can rest assured that whatever Keyser Sr. and Christopher Hitchens may do on their death beds, Keyser certainly is not going to be wasting his time invoking some non-existent deity for a cheap form of consolation.
The virtuous man should rest content in a life well spent. As Hitchens would no doubt agree, in his lucid moments, at any rate.
Who Says the Gods Don’t Speak Clearly?
Posted by: | Comments
Back in 55 BC, M. Licinius Crassus was heading off to campaign against the Parthians and was embarking his troops at Brundisium in the south of Italy to cross the Adriatic to Greece. There was a guy there flogging tasty figs from the Cilician city of Caunus, so in Latin he was shouting Cauneas, cauneas!, which means “Cauneans!” (as in “Cauneans, cauneans! Get your tasty Caunean figs!”). Some people bought figs, some people didn’t, and the army went on its way, only to meet overwhelming defeat at the battle of Carrhae in 53 BC.
Turned out Crassus should have known better. Apparently, cauneas is more or less identical to the conversational pronunciation of the Latin expression cave ne eas, which would be reduced to cau’ n’ eas (the letter “u” reflecting a “w” sound in Latin). Interesting implications for historical linguistics aside, the gods were trying to be helpful, but the message was a bit too obscure. [Post scriptum. Mrs. S. has read this and points out that the Latinless are left adrift. The expression is an idiomatic way of saying, "don't go."]
So, it seems that in the late two millennia, the gods have learned their lesson and decided to be a bit more, er, blunt:
Bethany Lott, 25, was on a hike with Richard Butler, 30, unaware that he had an engagement ring in his pocket and was summoning up the courage to ask her to marry him.
She had just turned to him and said “Look how beautiful it is” when the lightning struck on Max Patch Bald, a mountain near Asheville, North Carolina.
Mr Butler was thrown to the ground and suffered third degree burns.
He said: “We had got most of the way up through the rain and all of a sudden the most brilliant sun broke through.
“Then my legs gave out and everything went black for a millisecond. I was thrown a few feet back and spun 180 degrees. My shoes were smoking and the bottom of my feet felt like they were on fire,” he told the Asheville Citizen Times.
In case he didn’t quite get the message, the gods made sure nothing was left to chance and cut off his cell phone.
“She didn’t say anything, and I turned around and she was laying a few feet away, and I crawled to her.” Mr Butler, a grocery store worker, desperately tried to resuscitate his girlfriend for 15 minutes and could not get a signal on a mobile pone to call or help.
Unable to carry her down the hill he had to leave Miss Lott and hike down to get rescuers, but they were unable to revive her.
Just think how differently things could have turned out if they’d passed something hawking “Pain Be Gone” but Dick was too dumb to figure it out.
The gods are indeed beneficent!
Who Says Religion and Science Don’t Mix?: Science Fair Edition
Posted by: | CommentsKeyser imagines the answer is no, but this isn’t the sort of question normally treated in his courses in nominalist scholasticism back at good ole Eastern Medio Hungary State U. (Debrecen).
The Malice of God: Tudor Edition
Posted by: | CommentsKeyser was just watching the episode of The Tudors in which Jane Seymour, Henry VIII’s third wife, died after giving birth to a son (the future Edward VI, who would eventually turn England protestant). Keyser’s always been puzzled about the endless fascination people have with the Tudors (with the exception of Henry VII, whom no one cares about). Is it just the vicarious thrill of watching the matrimonial train wreck that Henry VIII was, which wears off a bit on his children?
Anyway, though Keyser’s always had a bit of a soft spot for Anne Boleyn (after all, they say she was a witch!), it seems that no one had a bad word to say about Jane. She did manage to bear a son, which is more than any of his other wives accomplished, and she was apparently a good influence on him. Maybe it was just as well that she left the stage before something could go wrong (as it did with all the other ones!).
And then God, in his infinite wisdom, quickly did away with her through a post-partum infection. Actually, Keyser thought the show was rather hasty with the presentation of her death. The childbirth is drawn out, and seemingly she’s okay. Then all of a sudden things look bad and BOOM! there he is stricken, abandoned by the God to whom he had prayed.
Given how badly all his relations with women turned out, it’s hard to help thinking that God really was pissed off at him. Was he dumping on Henry in vengeance for his father’s having stolen the throne?
Or perhaps we should consider that the divinity in question was actually Venus, and was just jerking him around.
Come to think of it, maybe that’s why people find him so fascinating.
God save the King, and the protestant succession!
Guess German Scheisse Games Are Right Out: Prayer Edition
Posted by: | CommentsEver prepared to show its relevance to the modern world, the One Holy Roman Catholic and Apostolic Church has issued a how-to for sex:
Roman Catholic couples are being encouraged to pray together before they have sex.
A book published by a prominent Church group invites those setting out on married life to recite the specially-composed Prayer Before Making Love.
It is aimed at ‘purifying their intentions’ so that the act is not about selfishness or hedonism.
The prayer, which appears in the Prayer Book for Spouses, implores God ‘to place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes’.
It adds: ‘Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will.‘Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness. Clothe us in true dignity and take to yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, for ever and ever.’
“Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy.” Is that a Biblical euphemism for a facial?
More Proof God Is a Woman
Posted by: | CommentsWe’ve seen similar proof before. Be sure to click on the image for the full view.
God Should Be Ashamed of Himself: Parasite Edition
Posted by: | CommentsWhen Keyser came across a whole post on the revolting details of five different parasites that do horrific things to people, he was put in mind of an earlier post of his own in which natural documentarian David Attenborough excoriated the divinity for creating worms that bore through people’s eyes. Well, they don’t stop there. That thing above is a tapeworm. Click the link (if you’re strong of heart) for text and (horrifying) images (the one up there looks sort of humorous, but trust Keyser, there’s nothing humorous about these vile things, and he spared his readers more gory/repulsive images).
Herons Take Keyser’s Breath Away
Posted by: | CommentsKeyser’s meant to put up these images for a few days, and got distracted. The recent unpleasantness brought here by the Vixen haters is a suitable occasion for washing away that ugliness with something beautiful.
The following images come from a guy called land.nick on Flickr. Apparently, he’s an architect in Brazil. He’s got many hundreds of images there, and since herons were prominent, Keyser typed in “heron” on the search feature and found that the guy has 360 images just of them. So hard to choose from! Keyser has his virtues no doubt, but these run more to the analytical, and Keyser has such admiration for those with real artistic talent. Kudos to you, land.nick! And if there were a God, he should be very pleased with his creation of herons.
Yeah, But Does It Cure the Clap Too?
Posted by: | CommentsHere’s the Porn Star Formerly Known as Nadia Styles telling us how she found God.
As she says, God has a greater purpose than having her get cum (or is it “come”?) all over her face and catch gonorrhea all the time. Does that mean that God’s purpose has changed and He used to want to see man goo all over her before, or did He just not care until now? (Oh, wait. It was probably her Free Will to get ejaculated all over. Praise be unto the Lord!)
Here she is getting dunked to become pure again:
In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost, Amen! (You know, they say that medieval legend held that the Virgin Mary was impregnated through the ear. Maybe God really doesn’t like facials.)



















