Archive for God Lives

Aug
07

Are There Gods In Hitchens’ Foxhole?

Posted by: Keyser · Aug, 07 2010 | Comments (2)

Here’s an interview in which Christopher Hitchens talks, inter alia, about his impeding death. As you may know, the inveterate spokesman for non-God has got esophagal cancer, so his prognosis basically is, “How soon do I die?” He’s asked if he prays, and the answer is no. Towards the end, he admits to the possibility that in the physical wreck that he may well wind up being at the end of the disease’s ravages, he might do the “pathetic thing” as he characterizes the death bed conversion of a previously committed atheist. He denies that he would ever do this in his lucid state, and tells people to discount any rumors they might here to this effect.

This comment raised memories of Keyser Sr. He had been sort of raised a Catholic, but he too was an off-hand atheist, generally referring to anything connected with religion as horseshit. Keyser Sr. died two thousand miles away from your humble Pannonian, who can’t exactly say that he has no knowledge of the old man’s demise. For some appalling reason, the nurse at his death bed insisted on calling Keyser and making him talk to the comatose and dying man. Supposedly, people can hear you even if they give no acknowledgement of it. In the first place, how the fuck does anybody know that, since ex hypothesi the person supposedly hearing the words will never be in a position to say so (and Keyser entirely disbelieves the testimony of people who supposedly “come back” from death experiences). Take Keyser’s word for it, that the absolute last thing you want to do is talk for five minutes saying things you don’t really believe to someone who’s dying, while somebody you don’t know from Adam is listening. Truth be told, Keyser doesn’t recall at all what he said, but under the circumstances, it seemed inadvisable (and pointless) to say the truth.

Anyway, the reason Keyser mentions this is that when he attended the memorial service a little while later, both the local priest (a homosexual episcopalian) and Keyser Sr.’s second wife both swore up and down that in his final days, the old man sought “religious comfort.” Well, on the surface of it, Keyser flat out doesn’t believe it. He knew that man for something like forty-two years, and if there was anybody who had no religious feeling at all it was Keyser Sr. (Keyser generally finds that there’s no such thing as an ex-Catholic – they always retain some Catholic sensibilities, whether they like it or not – but Keyser Sr. never exhibited the least sense of loyalty or anything to the One,Holy, Roman, Catholic and Apostolic Church.) Now, since Keyser wasn’t there, and it’s possible that the two were telling the truth, then the old man was the world’s biggest hypocrite or coward. Perhaps the two versions are not entirely incompatible, in that the wife might have badgered him and he then went along just to get her shut up (a form of cynicism that sounds a lot more like the Keyser Sr. that Keyser knew).

So it goes back to the old canard about there being no atheists in a foxhole. If so, that just means that there’s no Keyser in the foxhole, because you can rest assured that whatever Keyser Sr. and Christopher Hitchens may do on their death beds, Keyser certainly is not going to be wasting his time invoking some non-existent deity for a cheap form of consolation.

The virtuous man should rest content in a life well spent. As Hitchens would no doubt agree, in his lucid moments, at any rate.

Jun
09

Who Says the Gods Don’t Speak Clearly?

Posted by: Keyser · Jun, 09 2010 | Comments (0)

Back in 55 BC, M. Licinius Crassus was heading off to campaign against the Parthians and was embarking his troops at Brundisium in the south of Italy to cross the Adriatic to Greece. There was a guy there flogging tasty figs from the Cilician city of Caunus, so in Latin he was shouting Cauneas, cauneas!, which means “Cauneans!” (as in “Cauneans, cauneans! Get your tasty Caunean figs!”). Some people bought figs, some people didn’t, and the army went on its way, only to meet overwhelming defeat at the battle of Carrhae in 53 BC.

Turned out Crassus should have known better. Apparently, cauneas is more or less identical to the conversational pronunciation of the Latin expression cave ne eas, which would be reduced to cau’ n’ eas (the letter “u” reflecting a “w” sound in Latin). Interesting implications for historical linguistics aside, the gods were trying to be helpful, but the message was a bit too obscure. [Post scriptum. Mrs. S. has read this and points out that the Latinless are left adrift. The expression is an idiomatic way of saying, "don't go."]

So, it seems that in the late two millennia, the gods have learned their lesson and decided to be a bit more, er, blunt:

Bethany Lott, 25, was on a hike with Richard Butler, 30, unaware that he had an engagement ring in his pocket and was summoning up the courage to ask her to marry him.

She had just turned to him and said “Look how beautiful it is” when the lightning struck on Max Patch Bald, a mountain near Asheville, North Carolina.

Mr Butler was thrown to the ground and suffered third degree burns.

He said: “We had got most of the way up through the rain and all of a sudden the most brilliant sun broke through.

“Then my legs gave out and everything went black for a millisecond. I was thrown a few feet back and spun 180 degrees. My shoes were smoking and the bottom of my feet felt like they were on fire,” he told the Asheville Citizen Times.

In case he didn’t quite get the message, the gods made sure nothing was left to chance and cut off his cell phone.

“She didn’t say anything, and I turned around and she was laying a few feet away, and I crawled to her.” Mr Butler, a grocery store worker, desperately tried to resuscitate his girlfriend for 15 minutes and could not get a signal on a mobile pone to call or help.

Unable to carry her down the hill he had to leave Miss Lott and hike down to get rescuers, but they were unable to revive her.

Just think how differently things could have turned out if they’d passed something hawking “Pain Be Gone” but Dick was too dumb to figure it out.

The gods are indeed beneficent!

Comments (0)
Feb
04

The Spirituality of Being Obama

Posted by: Keyser · Feb, 04 2010 | Comments (1)

There’s been some doubt about Prez. Barry’s religious beliefs. For a long time, he attended some racist church on the South Side of Chicago, but seemingly that had less to do with God and more to do with convincing the voters that Mr. “My mamma’s a leftist white graduate student who got knocked up by a leftist graduate student from Kenya, who dumped mom for his real wife, and then she dumped me on her white banker mother to raise while she went off to study the natives in Indonesia” is too a bona fide negro with full understanding of the travails of growing up poor and black on the South Side of Chicago.

Seems he got away with that one, and since then hasn’t had much need for either God or the Right Rev. Jeremiah Wright.

But not to worry. Even though he still hasn’t figured out a church in DC that’s religious enough to count as a church but radical enough not to, he is, we’re assured by the Washington Post, a deeply spiritual man, “spirituality” of course being the refuge of a scoundrel who’s unwilling to fess up to his disbelief:

Every morning, sometimes as early as 5:30 a.m., a short religious passage comes across President Obama’s BlackBerry, sent by one of his aides.

At other moments, Obama prays privately, his advisers said. And when he takes his family to Camp David on the weekends, a Navy chaplain ministers to them, with the daughters attending a form of Sunday school there.

More than a year into his presidency, Obama has not chosen a church in Washington, and has attended services just four times. No single figure has assumed the role of spiritual adviser — publicly, at least — or filled the vacancy created when Obama disavowed his former Chicago pastor, Jeremiah Wright.

When Obama appears at the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington on Thursday morning — a regular presidential ritual — it will mark the rare occasion when he puts religion in the foreground. In that appearance, he will discuss “the need for civility in the public square, and how Americans can work together in a spirit of goodwill,” a senior administration official said.

Yet close advisers to the president said the role of faith, while subtle, has been noticeable in and around the Obama White House. One senior official described the president as “a prayerful guy.” Another said that Obama has consulted religious leaders less often for his own personal guidance than for help walking through major public decisions — such as during the Afghanistan review process, when he sought advice on the ethical implications of war.

A third senior adviser, Valerie Jarrett, said Obama’s private religious beliefs have helped sustain his temperament during trying times in office. “Part of that even temperament comes from his faith which is an important component,” Jarrett said. Asked why the public did not hear much about his faith during his first year in office, she nodded and said, “He’s had a lot on his plate.”

The messages come from “a range of sources,” an official said — sometimes a passage of Scripture or, on an upbeat day, a psalm. At other times the daily message will come from a book that Dubois thinks the president would enjoy. More than once the devotional has been culled from the work of Reinhold Niebuhr, the Protestant theologian who wrote extensively on the “just war” theory, which Obama has cited in his thinking about Afghanistan and in his Nobel prize acceptance speech. Other devotionals come from the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer, which Obama was given as a gift at last year’s prayer breakfast.

This year, Obama will “stress the importance of an openness to compromise and differing perspectives,” a senior official said, and will discuss the need “to disagree without being disagreeable and to step out of our comfort zones to bridge divides.” First lady Michelle Obama, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton and Jarrett are also scheduled to attend.

Oh, so let’s get this “spirituality” straight. He prays to God, who in turns tells him he’s a great guy and shouldn’t worry about all that criticism. And now that he’s reached a dead-end with his leftist agenda after spending a year telling anyone who disagrees with him to get out of the way, it’s time for “civility” because that’s what God tells me.

Loyal readers of the Lair will know that Keyser doesn’t spare the time of day to a non-existent God, but he’s willing to respect people who have legitimately held religious views and abide by them. This, on the other hand, is a load of self-serving bullshit.

Then again, no one says who exactly he’s praying to. Maybe it’s Lenin. That at least would be plausible.

Nov
25

Who Says Religion and Science Don’t Mix?: Science Fair Edition

Posted by: Keyser · Nov, 25 2009 | Comments (0)

Minorities.Heaven

Keyser imagines the answer is no, but this isn’t the sort of question normally treated in his courses in nominalist scholasticism back at good ole Eastern Medio Hungary State U. (Debrecen).

Oct
21

The Malice of God: Tudor Edition

Posted by: Keyser · Oct, 21 2009 | Comments (2)

Jane.Seymour

Keyser was just watching the episode of The Tudors in which Jane Seymour, Henry VIII’s third wife, died after giving birth to a son (the future Edward VI, who would eventually turn England protestant). Keyser’s always been puzzled about the endless fascination people have with the Tudors (with the exception of Henry VII, whom no one cares about). Is it just the vicarious thrill of watching the matrimonial train wreck that Henry VIII was, which wears off a bit on his children?

Anyway, though Keyser’s always had a bit of a soft spot for Anne Boleyn (after all, they say she was a witch!), it seems that no one had a bad word to say about Jane. She did manage to bear a son, which is more than any of his other wives accomplished, and she was apparently a good influence on him. Maybe it was just as well that she left the stage before something could go wrong (as it did with all the other ones!).

And then God, in his infinite wisdom, quickly did away with her through a post-partum infection. Actually, Keyser thought the show was rather hasty with the presentation of her death. The childbirth is drawn out, and seemingly she’s okay. Then all of a sudden things look bad and BOOM! there he is stricken, abandoned by the God to whom he had prayed.

Given how badly all his relations with women turned out, it’s hard to help thinking that God really was pissed off at him. Was he dumping on Henry in vengeance for his father’s having stolen the throne?

Or perhaps we should consider that the divinity in question was actually Venus, and was just jerking him around.

Come to think of it, maybe that’s why people find him so fascinating.

God save the King, and the protestant succession!

Categories : God, God Lives, HIstory, Vengeance
Comments (2)
Sep
03

Guess German Scheisse Games Are Right Out: Prayer Edition

Posted by: Keyser · Sep, 03 2009 | Comments (1)

Sex.Love

Ever prepared to show its relevance to the modern world, the One Holy Roman Catholic and Apostolic Church has issued a how-to for sex:

Roman Catholic couples are being encouraged to pray together before they have sex.

A book published by a prominent Church group invites those setting out on married life to recite the specially-composed Prayer Before Making Love.

It is aimed at ‘purifying their intentions’ so that the act is not about selfishness or hedonism.

The prayer, which appears in the Prayer Book for Spouses, implores God ‘to place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes’.
It adds: ‘Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will.

‘Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness. Clothe us in true dignity and take to yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, for ever and ever.’

“Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy.” Is that a Biblical euphemism for a facial?

May
20

More Proof God Is a Woman

Posted by: Keyser · May, 20 2009 | Comments (0)

We’ve seen similar proof before. Be sure to click on the image for the full view.

womansun

Categories : Babes, God Lives, Photography
Comments (0)
May
07

God Should Be Ashamed of Himself: Parasite Edition

Posted by: Keyser · May, 07 2009 | Comments (0)

tapeworm

When Keyser came across a whole post on the revolting details of five different parasites that do horrific things to people, he was put in mind of an earlier post of his own in which natural documentarian David Attenborough excoriated the divinity for creating worms that bore through people’s eyes. Well, they don’t stop there. That thing above is a tapeworm. Click the link (if you’re strong of heart) for text and (horrifying) images (the one up there looks sort of humorous, but trust Keyser, there’s nothing humorous about these vile things, and he spared his readers more gory/repulsive images).

Apr
13

Herons Take Keyser’s Breath Away

Posted by: Keyser · Apr, 13 2009 | Comments (2)

Keyser’s meant to put up these images for a few days, and got distracted. The recent unpleasantness brought here by the Vixen haters is a suitable occasion for washing away that ugliness with something beautiful.

The following images come from a guy called land.nick on Flickr. Apparently, he’s an architect in Brazil. He’s got many hundreds of images there, and since herons were prominent, Keyser typed in “heron” on the search feature and found that the guy has 360 images just of them. So hard to choose from! Keyser has his virtues no doubt, but these run more to the analytical, and Keyser has such admiration for those with real artistic talent. Kudos to you, land.nick! And if there were a God, he should be very pleased with his creation of herons.












Comments (2)
Feb
26

Yeah, But Does It Cure the Clap Too?

Posted by: Keyser · Feb, 26 2009 | Comments (2)

Here’s the Porn Star Formerly Known as Nadia Styles telling us how she found God.

As she says, God has a greater purpose than having her get cum (or is it “come”?) all over her face and catch gonorrhea all the time. Does that mean that God’s purpose has changed and He used to want to see man goo all over her before, or did He just not care until now? (Oh, wait. It was probably her Free Will to get ejaculated all over. Praise be unto the Lord!)

Here she is getting dunked to become pure again:

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost, Amen! (You know, they say that medieval legend held that the Virgin Mary was impregnated through the ear. Maybe God really doesn’t like facials.)

Comments (2)

backpacks molded one piece

anatomy lab practical 2

double glazing brighton

canosoarus.com

1990 international music educator conference

edward merry bakery

jazzy chair

biofeedback guideline

anatomy of the forearm veins

1926 hinckley choral

thanksagain.com

10 22 p90 conversion

lazarus come out lesson plan

knights templar australia

2008 colgate r k hall sydney

1752 prince william county v obituaries

articles on db2

a s a p colloidal silver

consumeroffercenter.net

font optima

carport roofs

forehead tumour chemotherapy

autohomes camelot

annie mckee

davidhchiem.com

amv download free

katy graham rac

brocato peppermint scrub purifying shampoo

yorkville adrenaline speaker

compare canoes

healthymenumailer.com

carrollton ky restaraunts

fsis usda compliance investigator

background information on newborns in need

1970 metal playground slide

nasf physique

bug snacks

a h davenport

16 western avenue fond du lac

2009 cracking the ged

converting dvi to vga

brownsville police blotter

hamer sunburst arch top

achilles candle international china

beatnik phrases

television provides needed escape and relaxation

globalresortsnetwork.net

antique nautical chairs

chainsaw leggings

antique dynamic a100 utah

data encryption algorithm using matlab

proverb comparing apples to oranges

3000 piece jigsaw puzzles

bargainone.com

business education tanzania

beating the slots

auto headliner glue

converting newtons to megapascals

chow mein noodle

dusk to dawn outdoor light

1975 silverado

harwood fiberglass scoops

auf dem strom

free videos of tera wray

colleges rotc

bally boots

12 inch hdpe perforated drain pipe

black negro mason catholic

mariott at southpark

wildbirddepot.com

apollo cinemas

inverse kinematic equations scara robot

a sudden star llc

802 pebble beach and santa maria

8 northridge lane galena il

soundblaster digital i o module cheap

criterion boring bars

encye.com

ages and stages infants

boonville mo resturants

krystal cancun mexico

ferdinand christian baur

edgewood romulus

abstract for instant messenger working

acme bread berkeley ca

sexmonsters.org

myspace colorado joe stefanie orlando

hugegreattits.com

how to make ips files

burned notice

mediacage.org

burt j travis

38th combat support wing

full timeout xavier ohio

maori arts

definition pre existing condition

oakridge high school texas

air wise

bill 5 merit pay for teachers

bladen militia

1998 volvo v70 awd

4958 will drive akron oh 44319

do canoes need stickers

disney pixar cars movie tin signs

blue footed boobies extinct

cephas washburn 1793-1860 descendants ar

leasetrade.com

2008 mercy housing grants in mississippi

birthplace of hockey

baptist churches that have contemporary worship

academy inn roper nc

ps3 skipping

mypetsforsale.com

bulgaria airline tickets

ba 256 nautical chart

freeporn vidios

buy magnesium chloride by the gallon

kiran mir

al-huda pakistan

1320 the score

gimme dat

amanda ferguson kevin rutmanis

12 most powerful words

1993 gct general partnership

brown bears endangered

convertions wheather

american dj sf-1 strobe light

cheapest mag subscriptions

eaglesnestcampground.com

donald richter

pearl white shad rap

affordable informative australian online books australian

beads gems pearls coral

dolores clairborn

cheaters blog

batman batman smells

120138108255 end time globe

schsa.org

2005 s2000 performance kit

milton virtue

20236 rancho villa 92065

ligation of jugular vein

american homes in richfield springs

2000 life safety code chapter 29

1800 public schools parochial schools debate

making nickelodeon slime

bone crusher bicycle

falcor chardonnay 2000

audioand usb2 ports

naturesroom.com

flyfishing entomology

fractional distillation column

1980 s rock trivia

discrete mathematics lessons

02jam in english

1920 s biscuit factories in scotland

myron wentz

acc assistant football coaches salaries

accessories for motorola v 220

nadine boisselier

kiley real estate boston

210 polish spray

1900 mhz grid antenna

fairmount

chuck linden

albert f painter

bgpl.org

aerial views vancouver wa

chilled beverage pitchers

cell phone manners

fetch tv show cutting hair

atv backpack

criterion reference test

1001 lafayette dr 15437

annual unemployment rates since 1938 free

cat-back exhaust for vw cabriolet

actress linda evans

gareth lewin

avion jat serbia

bob marley buffolo soldier

hardening skin

isometric grid

ibew 68

fading love

bradford county grouse

ncilp.com

all terrain vehicle electromagnetic compatibility

abuse on baby seals

bill ormond unity theatre

awesome homemade baked bean recipe

anthony mason dressage

5-hour energy wholesale

bolivian snack and food recipies

bottled water delivery covering kissimmee

feng fwd mental shui make

cathrine bell fakes

berkeley descartes doubt

aztec totem skull tattoo

benchmade mini deja vu

aggression in the late 90s

decrypt zend

addition bingo

controlling cracking in concrete topping

effect of 20 mg zoloft tablets

bccadirect.com

2007 quintana roo kilo

luxproducts.com

17 laptop skins

gods goddesses of the wic

4 way bungee

roommates4you.com

air hydraulics

fsbo near wilton ca

arnold flick recent postings

acs 2050

dame edna and nicole kidman

discount furniture futons morgantown pa

americancarloans.com

campgrounds in coeur d alene

cgi proxy invisible for myspace

papillion lavista schools nebraska

cloudy pool water ion pool

absher abshire family wilkes county

fernandina beach rental

alcohol sales laws contra costa county

accept credit card free internet error

a j supply antioch

1968 sport fury trim

nuek sia wah song sang karaoke

1964 guild d50

1994 miata for sale

16gb cf card

40 sealed roller chain

chianti montespertoli smallest subdistrict

tttc.org

1967 neonatal exposure to depo provera

artist sheena mccall

autoworldslotcars.com

1929 a d in america

heart shaped 3 tiered cake

dugan suzanne f

artful dodger jack novel

15th north west chester pa

american nightmare

montres tissot

caulifloweralleyclub.org

a breed apart chocolate lab

alferd packer restaurant

1700 english clothing

bill jordan hanford ca

are mtx tc amps good

1975 mg ignition key removel

automate dhcp bad address leases

pamrent.com

author etienne wenger

fortcollins.com

engineering courses qualifications middlesbrough

charles whitman texas clock tower

401 contribution limits 2009

fasterlouder.com.au

charcutier salsa demi glace

100 amp to-3 blocking diode

carolyn strom collins

getting sued from auto

district65.net

100 financing mortgages in ca

fall sensory table ideas

bathrooms recessed light examples

asia holding ltd

labradoodle chat

southerncrossreview.org

ban of handguns

aba account ssn

downloader trojan

parrot-and-conure-world.com

2008 gas distributors members

19th century baseball champions

essential oil for sure win

lennox g61 mpv

arena pat norton football

raceworksgallery.com

12 inch ohio star quilt pattern

ballantine scotch whisky online uk

box theory of stock investing

ethiopia malaria sympoms

hush hush ent

caregiversmarketplace.com

austraila map

homebest.com

41 symbol trawler

hottubessentials.com

hough hixson david elizabeth

daisy powerline 881

friendster custom cursor xanga

a voice still rings true

alligator postcard

1967 pontiac tempest wagon

basic procurement evaluation criteria

1201 austin highway san antonio

major wingate

blank skateboard deck

colonial towne center plaza

leer pickup truck caps

charles s talley

nova scotia sportfishing

cancion try de nelly furtado

homeofshoes.com

bridge inn henley on thames

automobile warranties

buick atc programmer

connie cater

fort vermilion lot block plan

atherton arboretum kauai

joseph stalin radio speech june 1941

1-145th unit 31530 mfo 52

2000 mercury villager tune up

finger lakes geriatric center

language spoken in budapest

army leave request

anthony delibro obit ct

instanthypnosispower.com

glaciers of the world

sliver cell phone pictures

cinema maidstone uk

la vega republica dominicana

blind intersection

deliverance ministries in phoenix az

administrative recruiter dental front desk manager

sample creditor interrogatories

carlsbad jiu jitsu

.50 cal rifle plant city florida

bennyscarwash.com

being respectful to guild mates

drawings of primitive carboniferous sharks

dbx 163x

how to call ja an

boots of springheel jak

about 2 clear toric information

avionics aftermarket