Feb
06

Todayitudious Image

By Keyser · Feb, 06 2010, Comments (0)

Reading is good for you!

Categories : Babes, Photography
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Feb
06

The Cavalry is on the Way: Central Banker Edition

By Keyser · Feb, 06 2010, Comments (0)

As Greece and Portugal are set to crash the euro, a huge bubble is set to burst in China, and the massive decline in credit (which is the real source of the money supply in our fiat-currency world) keeps declining in the US, not to worry! The minions of Goldman Sachs omniscient and omnipotent heads of the world’s major central banks are set to have a little pow-wow down under:

THE world’s top central bankers began arriving in Australia yesterday as renewed fears about the strength of the global economic recovery gripped world share markets.

Representatives from 24 central banks and monetary authorities including the US Federal Reserve and European Central Bank landed in Sydney to meet tomorrow at a secret location, the Herald Sun reports.

Since they’ve done such a bang-up job presiding over the world’s economy, shifting those macro levers of monetary policy a nano-millimeter this way or a quantitative easing that way to maintain the system in perfect equilibrium, we can now rest easy with the thought that these men have set their minds to… saving the… day…

Oh, shit. We’re doomed.

Feb
06

Fama Keyseri per Orbem Funditur

By Keyser · Feb, 06 2010, Comments (2)

Well, here it is late Friday night (Saturday morning by the clock), and Keyser mild-mannered alter-ego Clark Kent discovers that the long-awaited Polish translation of his first magnum opus (on a topic not involving daemonology but a diferent sphere of esoteric lore that Clark dabbles in) has finally appeared in print. No one at the press bothered to inform Clark, who upon discovering this news had virtually no one to tell (Mrs. S. conked out long since, and most people are either asleep or have better things to do on a Friday night than hear of alter-Keyser’s literary repute).

Remember, it’s already been turned into Modern Greek, and everyone knows that only the choicest of books on esoteric ancient lore get translated into Polish, so this is a major event. Right?

So, Keyser’s sharing the news with you. Too bad you can’t find out who the real Clark Kent is, but that would spoil all the fun of being an obscure movie reference, wouldn’t it? (Also, no one who’s learned the truth has lived to tell the tale, and that would hardly be a suitable way to repay Lair reader loyalty.)

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Feb
05

The Todaily Image

By Keyser · Feb, 05 2010, Comments (0)

Boy, today brought a new meaning to the expression “shagged out”…

Categories : Babes, Photography
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Feb
04

The Image for Today

By Keyser · Feb, 04 2010, Comments (0)

On a day when Keyser has to deal with a bit of impending death, here’s a ghostly image.

Categories : Babes, Photography
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Feb
04

Cancer’s a Bitch: Cat Edition

By Keyser · Feb, 04 2010, Comments (0)

Just came back from the vet’s. One of the cats almost certainly has cancer, so we’ll have to decide what to do. Keyser doesn’t begrudge God his decisions of life and death one bit. Good thing he’s omniscient, as these things aren’t so easy at all for mere mortals.

Feb
04

The Spirituality of Being Obama

By Keyser · Feb, 04 2010, Comments (1)

There’s been some doubt about Prez. Barry’s religious beliefs. For a long time, he attended some racist church on the South Side of Chicago, but seemingly that had less to do with God and more to do with convincing the voters that Mr. “My mamma’s a leftist white graduate student who got knocked up by a leftist graduate student from Kenya, who dumped mom for his real wife, and then she dumped me on her white banker mother to raise while she went off to study the natives in Indonesia” is too a bona fide negro with full understanding of the travails of growing up poor and black on the South Side of Chicago.

Seems he got away with that one, and since then hasn’t had much need for either God or the Right Rev. Jeremiah Wright.

But not to worry. Even though he still hasn’t figured out a church in DC that’s religious enough to count as a church but radical enough not to, he is, we’re assured by the Washington Post, a deeply spiritual man, “spirituality” of course being the refuge of a scoundrel who’s unwilling to fess up to his disbelief:

Every morning, sometimes as early as 5:30 a.m., a short religious passage comes across President Obama’s BlackBerry, sent by one of his aides.

At other moments, Obama prays privately, his advisers said. And when he takes his family to Camp David on the weekends, a Navy chaplain ministers to them, with the daughters attending a form of Sunday school there.

More than a year into his presidency, Obama has not chosen a church in Washington, and has attended services just four times. No single figure has assumed the role of spiritual adviser — publicly, at least — or filled the vacancy created when Obama disavowed his former Chicago pastor, Jeremiah Wright.

When Obama appears at the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington on Thursday morning — a regular presidential ritual — it will mark the rare occasion when he puts religion in the foreground. In that appearance, he will discuss “the need for civility in the public square, and how Americans can work together in a spirit of goodwill,” a senior administration official said.

Yet close advisers to the president said the role of faith, while subtle, has been noticeable in and around the Obama White House. One senior official described the president as “a prayerful guy.” Another said that Obama has consulted religious leaders less often for his own personal guidance than for help walking through major public decisions — such as during the Afghanistan review process, when he sought advice on the ethical implications of war.

A third senior adviser, Valerie Jarrett, said Obama’s private religious beliefs have helped sustain his temperament during trying times in office. “Part of that even temperament comes from his faith which is an important component,” Jarrett said. Asked why the public did not hear much about his faith during his first year in office, she nodded and said, “He’s had a lot on his plate.”

The messages come from “a range of sources,” an official said — sometimes a passage of Scripture or, on an upbeat day, a psalm. At other times the daily message will come from a book that Dubois thinks the president would enjoy. More than once the devotional has been culled from the work of Reinhold Niebuhr, the Protestant theologian who wrote extensively on the “just war” theory, which Obama has cited in his thinking about Afghanistan and in his Nobel prize acceptance speech. Other devotionals come from the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer, which Obama was given as a gift at last year’s prayer breakfast.

This year, Obama will “stress the importance of an openness to compromise and differing perspectives,” a senior official said, and will discuss the need “to disagree without being disagreeable and to step out of our comfort zones to bridge divides.” First lady Michelle Obama, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton and Jarrett are also scheduled to attend.

Oh, so let’s get this “spirituality” straight. He prays to God, who in turns tells him he’s a great guy and shouldn’t worry about all that criticism. And now that he’s reached a dead-end with his leftist agenda after spending a year telling anyone who disagrees with him to get out of the way, it’s time for “civility” because that’s what God tells me.

Loyal readers of the Lair will know that Keyser doesn’t spare the time of day to a non-existent God, but he’s willing to respect people who have legitimately held religious views and abide by them. This, on the other hand, is a load of self-serving bullshit.

Then again, no one says who exactly he’s praying to. Maybe it’s Lenin. That at least would be plausible.

Feb
04

Can You Recite the Alphabet Backwards?

By Keyser · Feb, 04 2010, Comments (0)


EMBED-The Best DUI Arrest In History – Watch more free videos

And he comes so close to getting away with it!

But don’t drive drunk. Bad idea all around.

Feb
04

Having a Bad Day?: Vaggazling Edition

By Keyser · Feb, 04 2010, Comments (0)

No, really. (Stick with it. It starts with vapid – this guy must be the worst interviewer – but degenerates horribly towards the end.)

“It looks like a little disco ball down there.” Good to know, Jen. Good to know.

Feb
04

Pompous Ass of the Day

By Keyser · Feb, 04 2010, Comments (9)

Jesus Christ, get a load of this:

I was born in Seattle, and I grew up there and in Manhattan; Columbia, Missouri; Long Beach, New York; and Portland, Oregon. I have also lived in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and Austin, Texas, but I prefer the Pacific Ocean. I have some Norwegian ancestors.

My wife has taught courses on Pindar, Herodotus, detective fiction, and Elvis. Our cat Sophie also admires Elvis, and our cat Sam studies fluid dynamics; both are avid birdwatchers.

My sister is a Tibetanist, and so is my brother. He’s a linguist working with language archives, and so am I. Our great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather did some Algic language documentation, so does our eighth cousin once removed, and so do I.

My father is a philosopher, and so is my uncle. That uncle was a provost, and another is a college president. My mother is a banker, my grandparents were teachers, a nurse, and a fireman, and their fathers were in farming, fishing, pharmacy, and the army.

My family’s cats were each called “Kitty” when I was young, and so were my grandparents’ cats. My sister’s cat is also “Kitty”, and my cousin’s cat was “Black Kitty”. For a while I was called “Boy”. People in our family eat a lot of pie.

I teach at Berkeley, and so do my wife and my fifth cousin once removed. My eighth cousin five times removed wrote a famous book, and my tenth cousin died in a car accident in 1997.

My college friends teach at Clark, Harvard, Ohio State, Sheffield, and Suffolk, or they are Canadian actors and comedians.

Either this guy’s got the biggest inferiority complex this side of the Pecos, or he’s desperate to be included in the next edition of the Almanach de Gotha. (The original’s chock-a-block full of links, if you give a shit about validating all those cousins and friends and things.)

Oh, and did he tell you that he’s great-great-great-gerat-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-uncle twice removed on the Isildur side was once punched in the nose by Gandalf the Grey for naming dropping? True story.

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