Keyser always has. Long ago, in a galaxy far away, Keyser lived in the Back Back (in an apartment of about 3.6 sq. ft. that cost $400 a month), while studying daemonology at Harvard. In the summer, I’d stay up all night working (the demons are quietest at that time of day, oddly enough, so it was a fine time to study Coptic and practice incantations). I’d go to sleep around dawn and get up in the early afternoon. In order not to look too disturbing to the uninitiated, I made three resolutions. First, shave every day. (No offense to the bearded, but beards are messy.) Second, roll up the futon spread across the floor that served as a bed at night (sometimes succubi would be “summoned up,” shall we say?), and as a sort of half-assed couch during the day (incubi would never be summoned). Third, go out for a stroll and don’t stay coop up all the time (apart from anything else, all that sulfur is bad for the olfactory senses, and what’s the point if you can’t smell your demonette?).
For the most part, I’d go off and descend to the Esplanade by the Harvard Bridge (which oddly leads directly to MIT, but you’ll eventually come to Harvard if you keep going down Mass. Ave.). But sometimes I’d go for a walk about the Fenway (hence the name of the nearby ballpark) behind the MFA (Museum of Fine Arts). You had to be careful strolling around out there because Fenway is aptly named, being in large part full of fens, which is a polite way of saying swamp. And the swampy fens grow big tall reeds. And there are paths through the reeds (substantially taller than a person), so that you couldn’t really see what you were coming up to. And what you might be coming up to is any number of what used to be known (before the Great Rehabilitation that’s been going on on the television for several decades) as homosexuals. And these homosexuals would be engaging in random acts of homosexual sex. The title here says “sodomy,” but be it noted that rumor had it that blow jobs were the most that you could count on. If that’s your bag (as they used to say). As if is, succubi are demons pretending to be females, and your old friend Keyser has never had any interest in either giving or receiving blow jobs from men.
(Disclaimer: Keyser has nothing against homosexuals, but that’s really not his bag.)
Flash forward a few years. Keyser has been hitched to his own demonette (colloquially known as the ex-Mrs. S.) and propagated. So, the Mrs. and Mr. K would take the newly ambulatory mini-Keyser out for recreation under the open sky, and (now that we had transferred residence to the more affordable but vaguely satanic Somerville, Home of the Grad Student!) that meant going to the Mystic River Reservation. Lots of open space for the new ambulatory to ambulate, and wild life to wild. But also big tall reeds. And you’ll never guess why it was a bad idea to let the newly ambulatory ambulate down the reedy paths. Why, because of the homosexuals giving each other random blow jobs among the reeds. Sounds familiar, eh?
So, here’s the answer why:
Oh, and here’s a picture of the State House in Boston (just around the corner from the place Cheers was based on). No idea who the demon under the sign is.
Sorry, people, life’s a bitch. Been busy with lots o’ crap. Apart from anything else, I just submitted a daemonological manuscript to a “reputable” press (Satan’s Cock University Press). It totaled 372,000 words. Not sure if that’s a lot or a little to show for a decade’s work. Now I’ve got another one to deal with…
Well, enough with the whining. To tell you the truth, it’s easier to post a link on FB with a snarky little comment than to write out a full Lair entry. I’ll try to be better, but make no promises. So help Keyser Satan!